I heard something a while back that sums up just how I feel about God, and I felt the need to share. As I shared in my introductory page on my blog, my greatest loss was in July 2015. What I heard someone say that inspired me to include this in my blog went something like this. "Have faith even when its hard to understand." This is exactly what I've done during the most difficult times in my life, with the most difficult part being when we lost our son Noah on July 17th, 2015. My pregnancy was wonderful, I felt great, didn't miss an appointment. Noah was due the first week of August and time was drawing near I was very excited. Everything was on track with his growth, just a perfect pregnancy. He was a mover, always kicking, hardly ever still, just very active. Til that afternoon in July, his movement slowed down considerably. We rushed to the hospital. I remember everything that day as if it happened yesterday. From the time the doctor told us "there's no heartbeat" to the time I held him knowing I couldn't take him home. I didn't lose hope even after they told us "there's no heartbeat." I still had faith and prayed that God would start Noah's heart again, and he would be born perfectly fine, and that we would take him home just like we had talked about and planned. This didn't happen, we held him, but couldn't take him home. His heart didn't start beating like I had prayed and hoped for, instead the unthinkable happened. I remember thinking "what am I going to do now", but through it all I was never upset with God. During the hardest, absolute worst time in my life, and my husband's life, I didn't blame God. I remember thinking on the ride home and talking to God silently in mind, I said God I don't understand. I have faith this happened for a reason, but this is way too hard to understand. That day and the days that followed, and still even now, I have learned to have faith even when its hard to understand. God never said it would be easy, He didn't promise days without pain, and trials to face. I take comfort knowing Noah is in Heaven, watching over us. I believe having faith even when it was hard to understand is why Henry and I were blessed with our baby girl Joey in August of 2016. I believe God will bring you to your knees to get you closer to Him, to show you where you need to be, which is walking with Him. So my reason for posting this is to let anyone know that doesn't see it this way that even when you face hard times, loss, and anything else that comes your way pray and "have faith even when its hard to understand."
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